Recent thoughts about life, love and God

On Friday night, I surprised my husband by showing up at his work (alone) and had planned a "date night." Awww.....I know, the tenderness makes your heart flutter, doesn't it? Anyway, we had an awesome time eating dinner, talking about "grown-up" stuff (or at least as grown-up as we get), not being interrupted by kids. We ate slowly, then had some time to kill before the movie started (which, by the way, National Treasure 2 is SUPER!). We walked around the mall, just being together and goofing off. It was nice.

On the way home, I was listening to some country music. I usually listen to contemporary Christian, but couldn't find anything good on and changed the station. I came across a song that I really like and have listened to many times. It was "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney. In the song, for those of you who hate country music, he sees an old man being interviewed on t.v. for turning 102 years old. The reporter asks the old man what's the secret to life and the old man tells him "don't blink" because life goes by faster than you'd think. During the chorus of the song, he tells about growing from 6 to 25 to parenthood to grand-parenthood to lying in bed with your spouse of 50+ years and praying that God takes you instead of her/him.

The whole song is very sweet. However, being a believer in Jesus Christ, I have some personal opinions about the last sentences in the chorus, where he references asking God to let you die rather than your spouse.

From the outside looking in, this is meant as some sort of sacrifice that is being made for you most beloved. Asking God to allow you to die, rather than taking your loved one's life. I understand the concept, but I see these sentences in a different light.

When Jesus died on the cross and then rose from the dead, He paid the price for my sins by conquering death. Therefore, death is no longer permanent, but merely temporary for those who believe in Him. Believers in Jesus do not have to "worry" about dying. Earthly death isn't the end, it's simply the beginning of an eternity much more amazing than my human brain can understand. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to die. I want to live as long as God desires. However, the last sentences in this song make me reflect on what I know to be true about the God I love and worship.

When my husband and I have experienced life. When we have watched our kids grow into adults, witnessed their graduations and weddings, seen the eyes of our newborn grandchildren and been married 50+ years, I will hope that we both have grown tremendously in our faith. I pray that we will understand our God more deeply. Therefore, if we are both old and our Earthly bodies are beginning to fail and, as the song says, "the next thing ya know, you're better half is there in bed and you're praying God takes you instead" I pray my prayer won't be for God to "take me instead."

My reasoning in not wishing to die in my husband's place is simple. I know that my husband would be in a place where there is no pain, and joy is abundant. He would be in heaven with Our Savior, and praising the God of creation. All the while, I would be the one to endure the pain of loss and any and all suffering here on Earth.

Again, do not misunderstand, I do not wish for my husband to die. But, if given the chance to let him die or me, I'd chose him. I know that he believes in a powerful Savior. I know he loves the Lord with all his heart and desperately wants to please Him. I know, that when he's gone, he'll be in a better place. I would will that for anyone I love and care about. I think that this song's intended purpose is based on the same emotion I am feeling, but the difference is vantage point. The guy in the song wants the best for his spouse. So do I. The contrast is your outlook on eternity. I believe, whole-heartedly, that if my husband were to die tonight, that he would open his eyes in heaven. To spend his days in a place of perfection is the ultimate blessing. If I had the chance to trade places with my husband, and let him die and allow me to stay behind and suffer, I'd swap in a heartbeat. I think that is meaning of love and the truest sacrifice I could make for the one that I love dearest.

What's the point?

About 6 months ago I was reading the book "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. In it, she suggests creating a life purpose statement. I have been captivated by this concept since I read it. Although I have thought that I had purpose for my life, I have never before looked at it from this vantage point. I have never thought of my entire life as a time line and referenced where I been and where I am, in contrast to where I want to be. Read my life purpose verse, then I will attempt to explain its meaning in terms of my heart:

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. ~ Philippians 3:12-14, The Message

Here's what I take this to mean for me:

1. I will never be the person that says, "I've got it all figured out." I am trying desperately hard to become the Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister and Friend that Jesus Christ wants me to be. However, I fail in every area of my life daily. I don't know how I can let God down so much, fail so often and still be considered so valuable to Him. That baffles me. I know that every time I am in the Word and in prayer or just sitting with friends, I learn so much about this God I love. I think about it a lot in reference to 1 Corinthians Chapter 3. I know that there are days when all I can tolerate is God's
milk. Then, when I am ready in a new area, He gives me meat. I am continually amazed at how He works on my heart in simple ways, continuing to reveal Himself to me.

2. I know that if I continue to seek God's will for my life, then I am headed in the right direction. I may have NO CLUE where He is taking me, but when the Creator of the universes is in control, who am I to ask questions? Not that I don't, because believe you me, I have SOOO many uncertainties. I also know that my God is big enough for me to doubt Him, have questions about Him, not believe Him and yet He still loves me. Amazing.

3. Lastly, (at least for now) I know that I am headed in the right direction. I am headed down the path that leads me to "Christ-likeness." Not that I'll get there anytime soon, but I know where I'm going. I don't want to go back to the old me. Not that I think that I was a horrible person before, the the new me is just so much better. I have a lot of fond memories of the time I spent before I knew Jesus. I know those memories will never fade, and many of them shaped me into who I am today. But the Spirit has taken over the old me and transformed me from the inside out. I have been made new. I am still the same old girl. I talk too much, say it too loud, laugh when no one else thinks stuff is funny, gross people out....but now, I'm different. I love looking for God in the every day. I realize that things in my life don't happen by "coincidence" and there is no such thing as "luck." Everything in the universe is held up by the God I serve. What an awesome way to live my life!

I still have many hurdles to jump, lots of mountains to climb and so many bridges to rebuild. But I know that with the power of Christ, I can overcome anything, because of His sacrifice for me.