The Making of M.O.M.

I got an email today from Baby D's social worker. She had a visit with the birth parents last Friday. I know I've said it a thousand times, but I will say it once more, I cannot go into details.

I received a lot of new news today. News that I cannot decide what to make of. Part of me leaps for joy while another part mourns the failure of the birth parents once more. Not too long ago, I professed to someone that I wasn't a crier. Well, I think it's safe to say that I am eating my own words.

Since we got Baby D, I have cried more than all the past 5 years combined. Today is no exception. I have no idea how to feel. Should I rejoice in their failure because that means more possibility of him being ours forever? Or, do I weep for this mother because I see the opportunity she's missing? My soul just can't make sense of it all.

I humble myself before God and ask for Him to restore them. Draw them to Him, make them clean. At the same time, I pray for swiftness and boldness with the courts. I pray that the judge would see them in all of their mess ups and allow him to be our boy, forever. My heart is so torn, my thoughts too jumbled.

I used to have this verse taped on the window above my kitchen sink. I knew that I was looking at it daily for a reason. At the time, it only applied to me in itsy-bitsy situations. Over the last 3 months, it has been the anthem of my Spirit:

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
~ Romans 8:26-27, The Message

Lord God! I am so tired of waiting. I love this child so very much. Most days, I look at him and forget he's not really mine. I know your Spirit is along side me Lord, helping me through this raging sea of emotions. I don't know what to say to you God. I don't know what to feel. Let your Spirit intercede. Bring your mercy to me and allow me the comfort that you so richly provide. As my Spirit groans oh God, hear the desires of my heart. Make me feel the love for these people as you feel love for them. Keep my sweet baby safe Lord, out of harm. I know that all things work together for your glory Lord, but I'm struggling to see the purpose now. Keep me before you God, keep me drawn to your unfailing love. Make these details of my life sing and dance together for your love, your will and your purpose. Amen.

Dictionary.com defines church as "a building for public Christian worship" (plus about 14 other definitions).

However, I know that church isn't a building but rather the people who fill it. I am so incredibly blessed to attend and be a part of an amazing church. Initially, Luke and I were attracted to Rich Fork because of the former pastor. He had such a way of expressing deep Biblical truths but with an air of ease so that new believers (or even non-believers) could understand and seasoned believers felt challenged. When he announced that he was stepping down as pastor, my heart sank. He was the biggest reason we'd chosen that church. What if the new guy sucked?

Let me take you back to April of 2002. Luke had moved to North Carolina to start working for my step-dad as a traveling furniture rep. I was still in Arkansas, finishing up my senior year of college. On May 4, 2002 I graduated and loaded up everything I owned and moved. It was the best move of my life. I was engaged to a wonderful man and moving into a fresh start. Luke and I had started to meddle in scripture and prayer but I was, by no means, a believer.

We had regular pity parties because we had no friends in our new town. We spent a lot of time hanging out with my parents and their friends. They were great but they weren't our friends. We bought a house in June of 2002 and I moved in while Luke continued living with my parents (yes, that's right). We were married in December of 2002 and quickly found some friends that we loved to hang out with. However, due to some outside circumstances, we once again found ourselves friendless. That's when we aimlessly wandered into the doors of Rich Fork.

Luke and I met the Madisons in our Rich Fork 101 class sometime in the Spring of 2003. Little did we know that they would continue to be close confidants and a connection to the most amazing group of friends. They invited us to their Sunday School class and Luke and I quickly realized that we had found a group of people to fill the void of our college friendships. God was graciously providing. I gave my life to Christ and found that these people, these believers, were actually a lot like me. I was amazed.

Luke and I had just gotten settled and involved when our pastor announced he was leaving. We talked about whether or not we'd move churches, since, as I said before, he was a huge part of our love of Rich Fork. We decided that we liked our friends too much to leave so we'd just stick it out, for now. I don't remember ever praying out this decision...now I think that's funny, and scary.

It's so obvious to me now, how out of touch I was with the whole "church" scene. Clearly there was an obvious choice to succeed our former pastor. When they announced that the nomination committee had chosen Michael, I jumped to my feet and applauded. I remember thinking so clearly,

Wow! Why am I standing up? This is really exciting! Wow, I'm really yelling. Okay, calm down, calm down.

In the following weeks we voted, as a church body to have Michael as our senior pastor. When the ballot came to me, I thought

Wow, so this is how this works. Some people may not like this. There is a possibility that he may not be our pastor.

Then it hit me. Why am I here? What does this church offer that all the others don't. The answer was incredibly simple:

The People.

I could go anywhere else, to any other corner in our town and find God. The only place that could find my home, my church home, was with these people.

In the last 5 years, God has continued to confirm that for us. We have the most amazing group of believers that we humbly call our friends. They hold us accountable, challenge us and, most importantly, point us to God. Most of them are also pretty stinkin' hilarious.

If you look over to the right side of this page, you'll see a long list of bloggers, over half of which are friends of ours who call our church home as well. I love these people for so many, various reasons. The least of which is because of the building I met them in. This past spring, Luke and I ventured down to the youth area. It's a decision I will never regret making. Once more, God led us to amazing people. Youth I feel privileged to call friends.

Check out these videos and pics and you'll see, just as I do, exactly why I love these people and I feel incredibly blessed to call them friends. They are hilariously amazing, unconditionally loyal and, most incredibly, tolerant of my frequent mistakes. God has so richly blessed me. Oh, and in case you're wondering...that new pastor doesn't suck. ;)

Our first "new" friends. The Madisons and the Hanners. Nice 'stash Phil!! I'm about 1,000 lbs heavier and I think Sarah's about 16 yrs old in this pic. Wow, have we all changed!

Ringing in a new year. Nice helmet 'Tiney!

Dorf (if you don't know Dorf, google it)

Baby D and The Thompsons. Another example of God's perfect timing.

Birthday celebrations are much better with friends.

Our amazing friend Britt, aka "girlfriend" doin' her thang.

This is a video from almost a year ago. I tried to edit some of it b/c it was almost 8 minutes long. It might be the funniest thing I've seen in a while.

This was at our house last Saturday night. Yep, that's our Pastor Micheal (the one I mentioned above) racing Kevin K. I think he was having flashbacks to the Faster Pastor race.