When I hold him and smell his head, he is mine.
When I feed him and snuggle his nose, he is mine.
When I take 25 pictures just so I can get 1 of his precious smile, he is mine.
When I watch him sleeping in my arms, he is mine.
When my mind drifts off to the place where I think about my kids and how I would save them should something crazy happen in our house, he is mine.
When he cries and no one can comfort him but me, he is mine.
When he smiles and coos and gives me the biggest grin ever, he is mine.
When I'm tired and frustrated because I cannot wash the dishes or sweep the floor because he wants to be held, he is mine.
When he feels warm to my touch and I worry about him being sick, he is mine.
When I hear him crying because he's hungry but I can't stop the car to feed him, he is mine.
When I hold him close, just to feel his chest rise and fall and see his sleepy smirks, he is mine.
Yet...
When the social worker comes in the morning to take him for a visit it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When I sit in court and watch her show pictures of him to all of the social workers it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When we sit in an agency review and she holds my son it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When I hear the judge and every attorney in the room recommend reunification as the best plan for this family it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When the phone rings and I hear the voice of the GAL/social worker/etc. on the other end of the line it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
Through it all...
When no one else can comfort me and I feel like giving up, He is there.
When I hold this precious boy and cuddle him praying for them to let him go, He is there.
When I hurt so bad knowing that they don't care enough to fight for him, He is there.
When I think about all the things that will unfold and the promises I've already heard, He is there.
When all else fades and I stop and remember that all of my children are really on loan, He is there.
He is always there.
When I feed him and snuggle his nose, he is mine.
When I take 25 pictures just so I can get 1 of his precious smile, he is mine.
When I watch him sleeping in my arms, he is mine.
When my mind drifts off to the place where I think about my kids and how I would save them should something crazy happen in our house, he is mine.
When he cries and no one can comfort him but me, he is mine.
When he smiles and coos and gives me the biggest grin ever, he is mine.
When I'm tired and frustrated because I cannot wash the dishes or sweep the floor because he wants to be held, he is mine.
When he feels warm to my touch and I worry about him being sick, he is mine.
When I hear him crying because he's hungry but I can't stop the car to feed him, he is mine.
When I hold him close, just to feel his chest rise and fall and see his sleepy smirks, he is mine.
Yet...
When the social worker comes in the morning to take him for a visit it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When I sit in court and watch her show pictures of him to all of the social workers it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When we sit in an agency review and she holds my son it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When I hear the judge and every attorney in the room recommend reunification as the best plan for this family it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When the phone rings and I hear the voice of the GAL/social worker/etc. on the other end of the line it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
Through it all...
When no one else can comfort me and I feel like giving up, He is there.
When I hold this precious boy and cuddle him praying for them to let him go, He is there.
When I hurt so bad knowing that they don't care enough to fight for him, He is there.
When I think about all the things that will unfold and the promises I've already heard, He is there.
When all else fades and I stop and remember that all of my children are really on loan, He is there.
He is always there.