Before I continue, I'd just like to remind everyone WHY I'm telling you about how Luke and I came to be. My intention is not to cast stones at anyone nor point fingers. Trust me, I cannot cast stones at anyone because I too need stoning. The purpose is so that I can be as transparent as I know how. So that when you look at us, you will see through to the core of who we are and the center of our marriage. It is only through God's precious grace that I am the woman I am today, married to the most amazing, God centered man on the planet. Our marriage is only what it is because of the One who is our focus. Please do not lose site of that as you read on.
If you're new to The Story of Us, read these first:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
My hope was that the next year would be a rebuilding year for Luke and me. Instead, it was a year filled with deception, lies and hurt.
Luke had trouble letting go of the relationship with the baby's mother. I would ask if they had spoken and he would tell me, "No" only for me to find out that they had spoken the day before. Still, each time he promised to be honest and that the relationship meant nothing. I guarded myself. A relationship cannot reach full potential when one party is lying and the other is slowly building a wall around her heart.
We floundered through the fall semester with more of the same. They would talk, or see each other, I'd ask about it, he'd lie and I'd discover the truth. It was an endless cycle and one that continued to leave me with fresh wounds. By the spring semester I'd had enough. I don't remember the specific thing that put me over the edge, but I basically told Luke that I was done, really done. We broke up and decided that we should not even attempt friendship. We said we'd go back to being strangers, not even speaking.
Keep in mind that we lived only a sidewalk apart. We saw each other constantly. Finally, Luke broke. He came into my apartment one afternoon. He was headed to baseball practice and didn't have long to talk. He sat on the couch in the living room of my apartment telling me about how much he missed me. None of it really went more than skin deep for me. Then he looks at me (I think I was trying to avoid him by pretending to do homework) and says,
"I just can't do this. I can't pretend I don't know you. I do and see things and I want to share them with you, but I can't. Jessica, I love you."
My heart fell into my stomach and I was speechless. Even today I don't remember what I said after that. Luke got up, left and headed for the field. I sat there, alone in my apartment reeling from the words I had wanted to hear for so long. What did this mean for us?
We decided to give it another try.
Spring of 2001 Luke graduated. He took a job as a financial adviser with a firm in Memphis. It made my skin crawl.
Luke being in Memphis meant that he was closer to her. In fact, he resumed a night shift job working at the same place that she worked. I was furious. How could he do that to me? That summer, instead of returning to North Carolina for the summer, I took a job on campus.
It was a full time position and I dove into my job, caring for summer campers. As Luke and I struggled through more lies and pain, I became close with some of the other counselors. One in particular. He and I would stay awake, talking and listening to music. We would take late night drives off campus. With my new "friend" I had no walls, no reason to mistrust. With him, it was easy. Although I never physically cheated on Luke, my heart was unfaithful. Finally, I decided to break up with Luke once and for all. At that point, it was less about Luke and more about being free to date the other guy.
At the end of the summer, as I was moving out of the dorm where I was a counselor, Luke showed up unexpectedly. I think for him it was a last ditch effort to save our relationship. Although I still cared about him, it was a pretty emotionless encounter for me. The final straw was when I asked Luke when the last time he spoke to her was. When the answer was, "yesterday" it affirmed for me that we were finished. As I watched his car drive away, I was glad to say goodbye to that chapter of my life.
New guy and I dated the entire summer, even after our summer job ended. I came to North Carolina for the last few weeks of summer and pushed all the pain and hurt of my relationship with Luke as far away as possible. I had moved on and started a new relationship. I was happy.
I returned to college in the Fall of 2001 ready to start my senior year. Volleyball was in full swing and my relationship with new guy was going well. Everything was going well until that crisp September morning. The knocking on our apartment door jolted me awake. I opened it to find my volleyball coach. She woke up my roommates and sat me down on that same couch in our apartment. With a heavy heart she said,
"Jessica, I'm so sorry. Your Mom just called me. This morning, your Uncle Vaughn was in an accident. He didn't make it."
Tears began to flow. My heart was so heavy. I packed up my bag to head to Jonesboro. I wondered how I would be strong enough for my family. As I drove the winding roads back home I knew that I would need support too. New guy had never met my family and a funeral was NOT the place. Only one person knew me and my family well enough. I reached into my bag and dug out my phone.
With my voice trembling I said,
"Luke? Hey, it's me. My Uncle Vaughn died this morning. Can you meet me in Jonesboro?"
This time, I needed him.
If you're new to The Story of Us, read these first:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
My hope was that the next year would be a rebuilding year for Luke and me. Instead, it was a year filled with deception, lies and hurt.
Luke had trouble letting go of the relationship with the baby's mother. I would ask if they had spoken and he would tell me, "No" only for me to find out that they had spoken the day before. Still, each time he promised to be honest and that the relationship meant nothing. I guarded myself. A relationship cannot reach full potential when one party is lying and the other is slowly building a wall around her heart.
We floundered through the fall semester with more of the same. They would talk, or see each other, I'd ask about it, he'd lie and I'd discover the truth. It was an endless cycle and one that continued to leave me with fresh wounds. By the spring semester I'd had enough. I don't remember the specific thing that put me over the edge, but I basically told Luke that I was done, really done. We broke up and decided that we should not even attempt friendship. We said we'd go back to being strangers, not even speaking.
Keep in mind that we lived only a sidewalk apart. We saw each other constantly. Finally, Luke broke. He came into my apartment one afternoon. He was headed to baseball practice and didn't have long to talk. He sat on the couch in the living room of my apartment telling me about how much he missed me. None of it really went more than skin deep for me. Then he looks at me (I think I was trying to avoid him by pretending to do homework) and says,
"I just can't do this. I can't pretend I don't know you. I do and see things and I want to share them with you, but I can't. Jessica, I love you."
My heart fell into my stomach and I was speechless. Even today I don't remember what I said after that. Luke got up, left and headed for the field. I sat there, alone in my apartment reeling from the words I had wanted to hear for so long. What did this mean for us?
We decided to give it another try.
Spring of 2001 Luke graduated. He took a job as a financial adviser with a firm in Memphis. It made my skin crawl.
Luke being in Memphis meant that he was closer to her. In fact, he resumed a night shift job working at the same place that she worked. I was furious. How could he do that to me? That summer, instead of returning to North Carolina for the summer, I took a job on campus.
It was a full time position and I dove into my job, caring for summer campers. As Luke and I struggled through more lies and pain, I became close with some of the other counselors. One in particular. He and I would stay awake, talking and listening to music. We would take late night drives off campus. With my new "friend" I had no walls, no reason to mistrust. With him, it was easy. Although I never physically cheated on Luke, my heart was unfaithful. Finally, I decided to break up with Luke once and for all. At that point, it was less about Luke and more about being free to date the other guy.
At the end of the summer, as I was moving out of the dorm where I was a counselor, Luke showed up unexpectedly. I think for him it was a last ditch effort to save our relationship. Although I still cared about him, it was a pretty emotionless encounter for me. The final straw was when I asked Luke when the last time he spoke to her was. When the answer was, "yesterday" it affirmed for me that we were finished. As I watched his car drive away, I was glad to say goodbye to that chapter of my life.
New guy and I dated the entire summer, even after our summer job ended. I came to North Carolina for the last few weeks of summer and pushed all the pain and hurt of my relationship with Luke as far away as possible. I had moved on and started a new relationship. I was happy.
I returned to college in the Fall of 2001 ready to start my senior year. Volleyball was in full swing and my relationship with new guy was going well. Everything was going well until that crisp September morning. The knocking on our apartment door jolted me awake. I opened it to find my volleyball coach. She woke up my roommates and sat me down on that same couch in our apartment. With a heavy heart she said,
"Jessica, I'm so sorry. Your Mom just called me. This morning, your Uncle Vaughn was in an accident. He didn't make it."
Tears began to flow. My heart was so heavy. I packed up my bag to head to Jonesboro. I wondered how I would be strong enough for my family. As I drove the winding roads back home I knew that I would need support too. New guy had never met my family and a funeral was NOT the place. Only one person knew me and my family well enough. I reached into my bag and dug out my phone.
With my voice trembling I said,
"Luke? Hey, it's me. My Uncle Vaughn died this morning. Can you meet me in Jonesboro?"
This time, I needed him.
