A Fostering Update (In Which I Abuse the Use of Parentheses)

Hey peeps. Since it's been 75 years since I last updated on our adoption (even typing that seems so weird) and fostering status (or is it stati - plural? Little red line says that "stati" isn't a word. It also says "isn't" isn't a word..so what could it possibly know?) I figured it was about time. I mean, afterall, inquiring minds want to know.

Wow. Anyway, Aaron's (that is also so surreal to type, even now) adoption worker is coming by today. This is a different social worker than he had previously, so if you're keeping track (how could you be?) we have now, just for Aaron's case, had contact with 4 social workers. Yeah. I know.

Ms. Adoption Social Worker will come by and "update" our homestudy (don't know how much there is to "update" since we've not even been licensed a year yet), give us some more forms to fill out and then take our profile to adoption committee on or before May 30th. Once we are approved by adoption committee then we will begin the process of filing more paperwork with the courts.

Basically, we are paper pushing and I couldn't be happier! Pushing paper means progress. In the eyes of DSS he is already ours, this is all just a formality. In our hearts, he's been ours since June 10, 2008.


As for Baby Girl, well...her case is creeping along (little-to-no paper pushing, in fact). Slowly. As far as I know, her birth mother has not been "served" with the Termination of Parental Rights Petition, which must happen before a court date can be set. Also, birth mom is pulling out all the stops trying to locate someone in her birth family that might potentially want Baby Girl. Naturally, this makes my heart lurch, my stomach turn and my mind go crazy (and sometimes not so nice thoughts to form). However, I know that God already knows what is to happen, none of it will surprise Him. And, truly, none of these family members have contacted DSS about her since she's been born. If they stand a chance, now it's a slim one. Still, she's my baby and the thought of her leaving makes me sick.

Baby Girl is going to physical therapy once a week for an hour. She has now mastered rolling from her tummy to her back, but has only rolled from her back to her front once or twice (and even then it was with some "help"). She is sitting up with support but is still not pushing up on her arms or even trying to be on her hands and knees, in an effort to begin crawling (Aaron on the other hand is crawling everywhere and pulls up on anything that will hold still for more than .125 seconds.).

Still, I know that she is making some good progress. Even the PT said she thought she was doing very well. We are working on "exercises" at home and even Elizabeth gets in on the therapy.

Overall, I am pleased and shocked at how quickly God chose to move these cases along. I know that I truly have no right to complain because I know of cases where the kids are well over 2 years in the DSS system and still there is little to no resolution with their cases. I can't imagine that kind of frustration. So I'm trying my best to be content. I'm trying hard to focus on the end result.

We do have court on Monday for Baby Girl. It's just a simple review, yet I know that we will encounter birth mom once more, which always makes me uneasy/jittery (okay, flat out a nervous wreck). If it comes to mind, I'd surely appreciate any prayers you'd offer up on our behalf.

Hopefully, it won't be so long before another update (hopefully). I know you all were on pins and needles (not).

Surrender

Surrender.

That is the word that continues to roll through my mind. The word that is moving through my heart. The word that resonates through my soul, and scares me to pieces.

Surrender.

What does that mean? What does that look like? It's not a white flag. It's more than just a mindset. It's life, a life I am called to live. A life that ALL believers are called to live. We are asked to live a life fully consecrated to God, refraining from selfish desires.

But what does that look like?

The basics for all believers are the same, but the deeper issues, the ones where God isn't black and white, those are the ones where I wonder...what does fully surrendered look like for me?

Does that mean all of our "stuff" should be given away or sold? Does that mean that I cannot enjoy a nice house, a fun life filled with vacations and thrills or comfort?

Surely the Lord's blessings upon my life are meant to be enjoyed? Surely He does not expect me to lament over the nice things that I own? No! God's blessings are a gift, to be enjoyed.

But, where does full surrender fit into the grand scheme of loving the Lord? Where do my countless blessings fall onto a spectrum of fully surrendering everything to the God I serve? How do I find balance between praising Him for all that I have and not hording possessions? What does that look like?

It looks like open hands. It feels like an open heart. It loves like a heart that knows no pain. To fully surrender, I've realized that I must simply be willing. Willing to offer whatever I have. You see, I know that blessings are directly related to offering. I'm not talking about money here, I'm talking about life blessings. BIG blessings. Little blessings. Blessings of health, joy, happiness, salvation and love. Blessings of giggles, hugs, snuggles, freedom and mercy. Blessings of trials and challenges. Blessings of grace.

To stand with clenched fists, holding onto everything as tight as you can is not a life surrendered. A life surrendered is open hands, offering everything in it back to the One who created it and purposed it in the first place. That includes your home, your finances, your "stuff," your life and,...even your family. All of it.

Surrender. It still scares me to pieces. But I know, that with open hands, not only am I able to freely surrender all, but countless blessings may flow in as well. After all, do I really believe that the God who offered up His own Son, the God who spared nothing for me, would really give me anything less than all of His mercy, grace and love? I think know not.

Therefore, I surrender. I surrender.