Stomach Bugs, Similes and Toe Slaughtering

What a LONG weekend we had. And I don't mean that in a good way. On Thursday, I went to pick up Aaron from his class at Community Bible Study only to find him asleep in his teacher's arms.

Not good.

Aaron is fiercely independent and rarely allows for a drive-by-hugging, much less excessive cuddles or more-than-a-split-second holding session that would enable him get comfortable enough to nap.

It's unheard of.

When he refused lunch, I knew something serious was up. So his temp of 102.6 came as no shock to me when I checked it less than an hour later.

Then, Lucas got diarrhea. And, Ashlee puked before she went to bed.

Earlier that afternoon, I suspected what was happening and sent Elizabeth to my Mom's. Good move on my part. I'd venture to say it has now earned me Mom of 2009 status.

You see, everyone who stayed in our home got the stomach virus. Everyone, myself included, except my husband, praise God! We surely needed someone to care for all of us. Lucas continued with the diarrhea and Ashlee just the one round of puking. Then Baby Girl got the pukes and Aaron's fever continued and he had some interesting diapers.

It hit me like a ton of bricks around 2:00am on Saturday morning and I kept NO LIQUID in my body until almost 3:30pm Saturday afternoon.

It was a rough day, y'all. At noon I called my midwife to ask about dehydration and secretly hoped she'd offer me an epidural. The cramping was incessant.

8 hours later, it was all becoming a distant memory. Isn't that amazing? Saturday evening Elizabeth came home (after 3 days at my Mom's house) and by Sunday morning I felt fine. We all did.

Wow, I got a little long-winded on that part. The point in me telling you all of that is to say that I didn't get much time with my oldest girl this weekend. With me toilet hovering and her being on a Mom-imposed ban from our home, I was craving some time with my funny, sweet and thoughtful princess.

So, last night we had a nail party. Just the two of us. We've had them before but this one was super special. We agreed that if I painted Elizabeth's toes, she could paint mine. It started off innocent.


Look at that grin. So stinkin' proud of herself. In all honesty, she did pretty well those first 2 toes. But, it was all downhill from there.


By the time she moved onto my 2nd foot, I was beginning to wonder if it would look better if I just went outside and killed a small animal with my bare feet. But, it wasn't for lack of concentration. Focus was her first name.


After a second coat of polish on each foot, her work was complete. Except for a few "touch ups" where she accidentally got "a little" polish on my skin.


See how she's wiping off my 2nd toe. There, removing that little spot should finish it up nicely. Now, for a side by side.

Please note that the smear of polish you see on Elizabeth's right foot was caused by her overwhelming desire to see the photo I'd just taken of my own foot. Unfortunately, she learned the hard way that wiping your foot across the toe of your client's very wet nail makes a lasting impression. And not in a good way.

45 minutes later my toes were moving into the drying phase. To say that I had a lot of polish on my toes would be like saying that the north pole is balmy. And to be honest, I sure hope that the metaphor (or is that a simile) that I just used made sense and adequately conveyed to you that my toes had a WHOLE LOT OF POLISH on them.

Because they did. Gobs of it. In fact, as I write this post at now-near midnight, I think they may all be dry. She polished them at 8:15pm.

But, despite the bottle of polish she used and despite the amount of polish remover I will have to use tomorrow to "touch up" my feet, it was so worth it.

Spending time with her and allowing her to make my feet look like this week's find on an episode of CSI: was as amazing as finding a $1,000 bill in a pair of jeans you've not worn in 2 years.

See, that simile was meant to show you that it was rare and special. Because $1,000 bills are rare (or maybe even non-existent) and wearing jeans you haven't fit into in 2 years is special.

Unless of course they're your fat jeans, then you'd need the $1,000 to prove to yourself that gaining all that weight was actually a financial investment. Or you could just go buy yourself a lot of chocolate. Whatever you need to do to justify yourself.

My point is, my feet look terrible but my heart is full and that's rare and special no matter who you are.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Welcome to 2010



I bet you all were beginning to wonder if I had forgotten all about Das Not Funny! Friday. Well, I have NOT! In fact, so many hilarious things have happened in the last few weeks that this might be the longest Das Not Funny! Friday post in history. Maybe. If I can remember where I saved them all.

New to Das Not Funny! Friday? Wanna know what it's all about and why I blog about it? Click here for details.

Alrighty peeps, I'm telling you, these things just had me cracking up. Most of the time my laughter could not even be contained. Pure hilarity I tell you. I hope they make you laugh as much as they did me!

Aaron has a terrible habit of refusing to keep his feet off of the table while we eat. He puts his feet up there, we move them down and tell him "NO!" He looks at us, spitefully, and places them back on the table. After hearing me correct Aaron one too many times, Luke crosses the kitchen, grabs something to "spank" Aaron with and comes over to the table and pops Aaron on the exposed, table-resting foot with.....(are you ready for this?).....a Barbie leg.

Not an entire Barbie with just the leg extended for optimal spanking.

Nope.

A random, detached Barbie leg just like this one:

I say "just like" because I think we threw the original Barbie leg/spanker away. Lucky for me you, I knew where another one was being "kept" so I snapped a pic so I could add this photo for visual effect. I'm not sure what having 2 detached Barbie legs says about the state of my home or my childrens' ability to play with Barbie dolls.

Annnnnnyway....moving right along.....

Baby Girl has the foulest smelling diapers I've ever encountered. How a 19 pound someone can have such a horrid stench is beyond me. She can make grown men gag and it is not uncommon for her to crawl into another room and poop and me smell it without even entering into her presence.

It's bad y'all.

One night Ashlee gets out of bed and comes to our room. Our door creeps open and she says, "Mom. [Baby Girl] poopt."

"Okay honey," I say, "I'll be right there to change her. Go back to bed, okay?"

She obeys and shuts our door. About 90 seconds later our door reopens.

"Mommy," Ashlee says, "my woom wealwe stinks and now, I can't go to sweep."

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Driving home one afternoon, we stop at an intersection just in time to see an ambulance, with sirens blaring, cross in front of us.

"Look Mom!" Lucas yells, "A firebus!"

"No, baby," I correct, "that's an ambulance."

"No! A firebus!" Lucas insists.

"No sweetie, that was an ambulance. It's going to help someone who is sick." I say.

"Yeah," Elizabeth inserts, "someone is hurt and blooding everywhere or got smashed by their car. Or, their leg fell off."

Hummmm.....maybe that explains the Barbie leg.

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Earlier this week, while I was at an OB check up our babysitter texts me the following:

Lucas: "Why did God make this house?"

Elizabeth: "He didn't. He just told other people to make it. Then we put all this stuff in it. But God made the doors. And Aaron."

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Last night 3 of the 5 children starting coming down with some sort of stomach/fever virus. After Ashlee finished puking into the toilet and as I was wiping off her face she states, breathlessly,

"Oh. Da baby's makin' me grow up."

(If you can't figure it out, Lucas and Ashlee both say "grow up" for "throw up." Good to know hat this pregnancy has had a lasting impression on my 3 year old daughter.)

Alrighty peeps, now it's your turn if you wish you play along. All you've gotta do is write your own Das Not Funny! Friday post and then enter your info into MckLinky. Then, visit and laugh and have a great start to your weekend.

I'm hoping ours turns into a good one and NOT one filled with fevers and squirts and "growin' up" as last night's behaviors seemed to indicate.

Happy Friday Y'all.