Can I just be really honest here?
(I'm guessing since it's my blog and you aren't beside me as I type this, I can. And, I don't really know why I used that as my opening sentence because it's not like you can answer me and then it would change the rest of this post.)
Well, I'm gonna be honest. And if honesty is something you don't like then you might wanna go ahead and leave now. And, if you read what I'm about to write and you don't agree with me, then that's fine. I only ask that you comment respectfully.
Right now, I love all my children. I love each of them so much that I would die to save their lives, without hesitation. You see, I know that true love is a choice you make. I touched on that previously way back when I wrote this post about my husband. But, what I've realized since then is that even loving your children is choice.
Some women receive their children into their arms and immediately fall in love. Other women grow to love their children over the course of their first weeks and months with them. As for me, I've found both to be true with each of my babies. I loved them immediately but the fluttery emotion of it faded at times and the real choice to love them came later.
Sure, I have moments, several of them a day even, where my children do or say something and my heart swells with pride and adoration. Most days, I can just look at my kids and feel a rush of emotion and feel overwhelmed with how much I care about them.
But, you see, I choose to love my kids. I choose to train them to be responsible, God loving, courteous, family focused people. I choose to give them my attention and affection and somedays, I make better choices than others. But, in my opinion, loving my children is a choice I make, daily.
But lately, there is one of my children that I just don't LIKE very much.
I know. Mothers should never speak such words, huh? Truly wonderful mothers don't speak about when they've had enough of their kids or when they're so sick of them that they dread hearing them wake up the next morning. Or, if they DO mention such things then they ONLY do so while joking. Right?
Well, I'm not joking.
I'm seriously in a state of unlike with one of my kids. Because I'd rather not call out one of my kids and because I'm sure that there will be a day (and there have already been days in the past) where I feel this way about another one of my children, I'll call the child I'm currently referencing "Darling."
Now, please don't misunderstand me. I still love Darling as much as possible. Because I choose to love Darling.
I choose to love Darling despite the fact that Darling is driving me insane. I still love Darling despite the fact that Darling is currently causing me to employ every disciplinary method I've ever wanted/needed/thought about trying.
I choose to love Darling despite the fact that I discipline Darling for the EXACT SAME DISOBEDIENCE several times a day.
But, I'm gonna be honest. When I look at Darling I don't see very much like. In fact, I hardly want to be in the same room with Darling. I hardly want to go out of my way to help Darling find a toy or understand how something works.
But then, Darling will grab a book and crawl into my lap, bat those eyes and I'm hooked. And I smell Darling's hair and kiss Darling's cheeks and I remember that God blessed me with Darling, even when Darling doesn't feel like a blessing.
And I wonder how often my Father feels the same way about me. I wonder how many times God looks at me suffering in the EXACT SAME DISOBEDIENCE and wonders if I'll actually get it right this time.
I wonder how often God looks at me and hardly wants to be alone with me. I wonder if He looks at me and hardly wants to go out of His way to help me or help me understand how something works or how it harm my soul.
Currently, I have 5 children. All of whom I love deeply. All of whom have taught me so much about myself and my God and how much He loves me, even though I'm completely flawed. And I think about this verse,
"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" ~ Matthew 7:11
And I am reminded that I am imperfect and yet I can still love my little Darling, despite the fact that Darling is driving me insane. In contrast, God is perfect and He continues to love me, despite the fact that I am driving Him insane.
And suddenly, I have perspective.
So tomorrow, I will wake up and feed all 5 of my children breakfast. I will hand out sippy cups and kisses for boo boos. I will continue to choose to love all of my children, even when I don't feel warm and fuzzy about them. And I will maintain that I am the most blessed woman I know because God has entrusted me with these babies. And gifts like these are not something I take lightly.
(I'm guessing since it's my blog and you aren't beside me as I type this, I can. And, I don't really know why I used that as my opening sentence because it's not like you can answer me and then it would change the rest of this post.)
Well, I'm gonna be honest. And if honesty is something you don't like then you might wanna go ahead and leave now. And, if you read what I'm about to write and you don't agree with me, then that's fine. I only ask that you comment respectfully.
Right now, I love all my children. I love each of them so much that I would die to save their lives, without hesitation. You see, I know that true love is a choice you make. I touched on that previously way back when I wrote this post about my husband. But, what I've realized since then is that even loving your children is choice.
Some women receive their children into their arms and immediately fall in love. Other women grow to love their children over the course of their first weeks and months with them. As for me, I've found both to be true with each of my babies. I loved them immediately but the fluttery emotion of it faded at times and the real choice to love them came later.
Sure, I have moments, several of them a day even, where my children do or say something and my heart swells with pride and adoration. Most days, I can just look at my kids and feel a rush of emotion and feel overwhelmed with how much I care about them.
But, you see, I choose to love my kids. I choose to train them to be responsible, God loving, courteous, family focused people. I choose to give them my attention and affection and somedays, I make better choices than others. But, in my opinion, loving my children is a choice I make, daily.
But lately, there is one of my children that I just don't LIKE very much.
I know. Mothers should never speak such words, huh? Truly wonderful mothers don't speak about when they've had enough of their kids or when they're so sick of them that they dread hearing them wake up the next morning. Or, if they DO mention such things then they ONLY do so while joking. Right?
Well, I'm not joking.
I'm seriously in a state of unlike with one of my kids. Because I'd rather not call out one of my kids and because I'm sure that there will be a day (and there have already been days in the past) where I feel this way about another one of my children, I'll call the child I'm currently referencing "Darling."
Now, please don't misunderstand me. I still love Darling as much as possible. Because I choose to love Darling.
I choose to love Darling despite the fact that Darling is driving me insane. I still love Darling despite the fact that Darling is currently causing me to employ every disciplinary method I've ever wanted/needed/thought about trying.
I choose to love Darling despite the fact that I discipline Darling for the EXACT SAME DISOBEDIENCE several times a day.
But, I'm gonna be honest. When I look at Darling I don't see very much like. In fact, I hardly want to be in the same room with Darling. I hardly want to go out of my way to help Darling find a toy or understand how something works.
But then, Darling will grab a book and crawl into my lap, bat those eyes and I'm hooked. And I smell Darling's hair and kiss Darling's cheeks and I remember that God blessed me with Darling, even when Darling doesn't feel like a blessing.
And I wonder how often my Father feels the same way about me. I wonder how many times God looks at me suffering in the EXACT SAME DISOBEDIENCE and wonders if I'll actually get it right this time.
I wonder how often God looks at me and hardly wants to be alone with me. I wonder if He looks at me and hardly wants to go out of His way to help me or help me understand how something works or how it harm my soul.
Currently, I have 5 children. All of whom I love deeply. All of whom have taught me so much about myself and my God and how much He loves me, even though I'm completely flawed. And I think about this verse,
"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" ~ Matthew 7:11
And I am reminded that I am imperfect and yet I can still love my little Darling, despite the fact that Darling is driving me insane. In contrast, God is perfect and He continues to love me, despite the fact that I am driving Him insane.
And suddenly, I have perspective.
So tomorrow, I will wake up and feed all 5 of my children breakfast. I will hand out sippy cups and kisses for boo boos. I will continue to choose to love all of my children, even when I don't feel warm and fuzzy about them. And I will maintain that I am the most blessed woman I know because God has entrusted me with these babies. And gifts like these are not something I take lightly.
