My mind is spinning in such a tailspin that until I get some of this out on paper (or onto virtual paper) that I don't think I can properly function. That's what I do when I'm stressed, I make lists. I'm sure Luke LOVES my stress-induced Type A tendencies because normally I am so the opposite of Type A that I'm Type Z or something.
When I begin making lists you know I'm getting anxious. Currently I have 5 separate lists saved to our Desktop. 5 separate, yet totally related, lists titled such things as:
Needed for Baby
House Stuff
To do for the move
Repair requests that need to be done
Ways God is working (This one is SO cool and I can't wait to share it with you all.)
Not to mention that I have scribbled notes on about a bazillion pieces of paper that I can no longer find (see, not so Type A am I?). My organization skills are on overload. If you're Type A this will be the only month of my life where we can coexist peacefully. Hence the fact that my husband is LOVING that I'm a go-getter right now.
LOVING IT I tell you. I think his photo is in the dictionary or Wikipedia beside Type A. And if you look up the antonym you'll find my photo.
So, why not continue my list making right here? I will, thankyouvermuch. Except this list is of things that are weighing heavily on my mind. So heavily I know nothing else to do other than list them, in a list-type fashion so that I feel like I'm accomplishing them. Or something like that.
-------
These past few weeks I have stunk it up homeschooling Elizabeth. Between being physically fatigued from just being pregnant to battling a never-ending cold to dealing with all the things that come with selling our house and my Maw's surgery we've done very little in the way of schooling.
She did explain reversible change (thanks to
Sid the Science Kid) to Ashlee so I know she's soaking stuff up. But I feel like such a failure as a homeschooling mother. Especially because she desperately wants to know how to read and that's something we have to work on during naptime so I can give her my undivided attention and by that point in the day I just want to lay in the bed. I am using that time to read aloud to her, but still...
I've even thought about enrolling her in school for the next 2 months just so her brain cells don't die off and be shed for eternity. I worry about her loosing critical brain storage space while I'm floundering with having a baby, moving and such. At least if she's in public school she'd be learning
something.
Even though it may not be what I want her learning.
-------
I think the use of the TV is the sole reason I will not end up yelling at my kids continually for the next 2 weeks. PBS Kids is educational, right? What about Porky Pig?
-------
My Darling child continues to drive me crazy. I reprimand Darling for the EXACT SAME THING every.single.day. Often multiple times a day...
"Darling we don't jump on the bed.
Darling, please don't touch that.
Darling, please don't pull all the clothes out of the drawers.
Darling, please don't climb onto the table.
Darling, please don't throw your food on the floor.
No, Darling,
this is what's for dinner (or lunch or breakfast). Mommy isn't making anything else. Please eat.
Darling,
STOP IT!"
It's exhausting and I feel like a failure when it comes to parenting my Darling.
-------
My quiet time is so sporadic. When I make time to be alone with God I am so tired that my mind drifts off to a happy place where I don't think of anything. I know that quiet time with the Lord would calm the other areas of my crazy life so I try hard, I really do. But my mind is so weary and I just can't comprehend what I'm reading. And, if I close my eyes to pray I almost fall asleep.
It's so frustrating because I feel like it's all my fault and yet I can't do anything to make it better.
-------
OH MY WORD THE COLD WEATHER! Please, no more snow or cold weather we need to go outside. And bundling all the kids up in 57 layers of clothes is so tiring, especially when I'm 99.9% sure that as soon as we get outside someone will poop their diaper or have to come in and poop. And then I feel selfish because it's just easier on me to stay inside where we can all be close to the toilet and in 1 layer of clothing or less. And so I can sit on something that doesn't make my pelvis feel like it's about to split into two pieces.
-------
I am just overwhelmed and humbled at the friends that are pouring out of the woodwork to help us with this move. Seriously, if I think about it too much I just get teary eyed. I'm pretty sure we are blessed with the most gracious, giving, serving friends on the planet.
-------
We still have so much to do to our house before closing. We have to paint (per our contract) all the places that have marker or crayon on the walls (which is our entire basement and most of the girls' room) and have trees removed from the yard and just MOVE OUR STUFF. Geesh, when will we ever get all that done?
-------
I loathe calling all of our accounts and changing our address. I just loathe it.
-------
Last night our whole family had cereal for dinner. All of us. How pathetic.
-------
And then, THEN I think, "What happens if we do all this stuff, move all our stuff and the deal falls through at the closing table? What then?"
Have mercy. I think I'm going crazy. Just plain crazy. Anybody wanna join me?
