God orchestrates all things for His glory for those who love Him. Did you know that? I had read it right here before but it never really hit me exactly how it worked until many months after we had taken Aaron as our first placement as his foster parents. You see, shortly after the phone call we received informing us of Aaron's birth and, additionally, asking us of we'd be willing to take him into our home, I was on the phone with another woman who cared deeply about our sweet Aaron.
She was not someone from the Department of Social Services (DSS) office. She was not his birth mother. However, she cared deeply for him even though she'd never met him.
I remember sitting there at our table, listening to her voice through my phone, not totally understanding what was about to happen. I remember wondering what her role in his life would be, what it could have been, if only circumstances had been different.
You see this woman, who told me how much she loved our new little baby, had a very special connection to him.
She is the mother of Aaron's biological brothers.
She had walked the road that we were about to journey down. She had the dirt and blisters on her feet and sweat and blood on her brow from miles of walking a road that is tough and not for the faint at heart. She and her husband knew what it meant to love someone as your own flesh when they come from the womb of another woman.
And although much of Aaron's story is for him to tell and not me, I wanted to share with you all a very special relationship that our family is forming with some very special people.
These two precious boys share the same birth parents as our sweet Aaron. "N" and "C" are so sweet and all boy, just like our Aaron. They share similar features, like their bright blue eyes and a sweet, round nose. In fact, when their Mom "S" shared some of N and C's baby photos with me, it was like looking at photos of our Aaron, except with double vision!
And one day, they will share in being told the same story. The story of entering into foster care for reasons privileged only to them. The story of being placed into the arms of a mother who grew them in her heart, rather than her womb. The story of being loved, unconditionally, even though they didn't belong to this new family by birth.
The story of Mr. T and Mrs. S desiring to begin their boys' relationship with our son early on, when Aaron and N and C were only tiny babies.
(This is Aaron, at 2 months old, with N and C who were 14 months.)
The story of love, that brought them from what could have been to what truly is. Currently, we enjoy a loving relationship and special bond with N and C's family. They have kept Aaron on several occasions, even overnight. Both Mr. T and Mrs. S, as well as Luke and myself, desire for our boys to know that they are brothers.
This special relationship, we pray, will help them understand their unique situations as they grow older. And, as they one day struggle to understand the circumstances with their birth parents, we pray that having each other will help. We pray that growing up more than just birth siblings, but as friends, they will be able to identify with someone who comes from where they come from.
And ultimately, my prayer is that each of them will be able to cling to the One who provided a way for us all to be adopted, even when they are uncertain about the reasons for their worldly adoption.
This is what is unique about adopting a child through our local foster care agency (or in our case, our county's DSS). Often, ties with birth family is available. For us, being adoptive parents isn't about cutting them off from their birth family. It isn't about alienating them from who they are by birth.
However, they did come into foster care for a reason. Unfortunately, and all to often, those reasons prohibit us from feeling like there is a safe way for them to interact with birth family. In Aaron's case these boys, his birth brothers, are in a safe and loving home where spending time with them is not only possible but pleasurable. Mr. T and Mrs. S love Aaron so very much and it is evident on their faces each time they see him. Likewise, we adore N and C, although our time with them is much more sparse right now (due to the needs of our other children, we don't get 1 on 1 time - or 1 on 2 time - like we'd enjoy).
For neither of our fostered/adopted children, a relationship with their birth parents is not healthy or possible at this time in their lives. But, we when the time comes that they ask questions, we will not lie. Truth will prevail in our answers about their past. And while we will have to reveal things to them that will surely break their hearts and make them question their value, we pray that they will find their answer right in front of them.
We love them. God loves them.
For Olivia, having a relationship with birth family is proving more difficult. We wanted to wait until her adoption was final before pursuing those relationships. Now that her adoption is legal, we plan on beginning that process so that she may begin forming relationships with stable members of her birth family.
These are new waters for us to navigate, this balance between birth family and our family. But, we feel confident that the Lord placed these children into our home for a purpose. He placed them here for His purpose. And our desires are to allow our adopted children as much interaction with birth family that is safe. We feel blessed to have such with Aaron's birth brothers. For Olivia it will be new ground that we will walk on lightly, with our eyes prayerfully fixed on the One who knew all of this before the creation of the world.
She was not someone from the Department of Social Services (DSS) office. She was not his birth mother. However, she cared deeply for him even though she'd never met him.
I remember sitting there at our table, listening to her voice through my phone, not totally understanding what was about to happen. I remember wondering what her role in his life would be, what it could have been, if only circumstances had been different.
You see this woman, who told me how much she loved our new little baby, had a very special connection to him.She is the mother of Aaron's biological brothers.
She had walked the road that we were about to journey down. She had the dirt and blisters on her feet and sweat and blood on her brow from miles of walking a road that is tough and not for the faint at heart. She and her husband knew what it meant to love someone as your own flesh when they come from the womb of another woman.
And although much of Aaron's story is for him to tell and not me, I wanted to share with you all a very special relationship that our family is forming with some very special people.
These two precious boys share the same birth parents as our sweet Aaron. "N" and "C" are so sweet and all boy, just like our Aaron. They share similar features, like their bright blue eyes and a sweet, round nose. In fact, when their Mom "S" shared some of N and C's baby photos with me, it was like looking at photos of our Aaron, except with double vision!And one day, they will share in being told the same story. The story of entering into foster care for reasons privileged only to them. The story of being placed into the arms of a mother who grew them in her heart, rather than her womb. The story of being loved, unconditionally, even though they didn't belong to this new family by birth.The story of Mr. T and Mrs. S desiring to begin their boys' relationship with our son early on, when Aaron and N and C were only tiny babies.(This is Aaron, at 2 months old, with N and C who were 14 months.)The story of love, that brought them from what could have been to what truly is. Currently, we enjoy a loving relationship and special bond with N and C's family. They have kept Aaron on several occasions, even overnight. Both Mr. T and Mrs. S, as well as Luke and myself, desire for our boys to know that they are brothers.
This special relationship, we pray, will help them understand their unique situations as they grow older. And, as they one day struggle to understand the circumstances with their birth parents, we pray that having each other will help. We pray that growing up more than just birth siblings, but as friends, they will be able to identify with someone who comes from where they come from.
And ultimately, my prayer is that each of them will be able to cling to the One who provided a way for us all to be adopted, even when they are uncertain about the reasons for their worldly adoption.
This is what is unique about adopting a child through our local foster care agency (or in our case, our county's DSS). Often, ties with birth family is available. For us, being adoptive parents isn't about cutting them off from their birth family. It isn't about alienating them from who they are by birth.
However, they did come into foster care for a reason. Unfortunately, and all to often, those reasons prohibit us from feeling like there is a safe way for them to interact with birth family. In Aaron's case these boys, his birth brothers, are in a safe and loving home where spending time with them is not only possible but pleasurable. Mr. T and Mrs. S love Aaron so very much and it is evident on their faces each time they see him. Likewise, we adore N and C, although our time with them is much more sparse right now (due to the needs of our other children, we don't get 1 on 1 time - or 1 on 2 time - like we'd enjoy).
For neither of our fostered/adopted children, a relationship with their birth parents is not healthy or possible at this time in their lives. But, we when the time comes that they ask questions, we will not lie. Truth will prevail in our answers about their past. And while we will have to reveal things to them that will surely break their hearts and make them question their value, we pray that they will find their answer right in front of them.We love them. God loves them.
For Olivia, having a relationship with birth family is proving more difficult. We wanted to wait until her adoption was final before pursuing those relationships. Now that her adoption is legal, we plan on beginning that process so that she may begin forming relationships with stable members of her birth family.
These are new waters for us to navigate, this balance between birth family and our family. But, we feel confident that the Lord placed these children into our home for a purpose. He placed them here for His purpose. And our desires are to allow our adopted children as much interaction with birth family that is safe. We feel blessed to have such with Aaron's birth brothers. For Olivia it will be new ground that we will walk on lightly, with our eyes prayerfully fixed on the One who knew all of this before the creation of the world.