He hears my every word

I go before the Lord and all I can mutter is, "Oh God, please God."

My heart is heavy. Broken even. And all I can say is His name over and over again. Which is why Romans 8:26-28 plays through my mind so often,

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Because the truth is, I don't know what I ought to pray. I don't know how to verbalize the pain and hurt within my heart as it runs deeper than any I've ever known before.

So I crumple myself before the feet of the King, knowing that His word stands true and that His Spirit is interceding on my behalf according to the will of God. And I sit, saying nothing other than His name. Begging Him for intercession when my words fail me. Knowing that I could rattle off dozens of my own physical or tangible desires but the things of my heart that are the heaviest, the most broken, are those unseen. Nothing of the physical is needed for my body. Nothing tangible do I hunger for. Only Him and the intimacy that He brings in the times when I am alone.

Throughout the day, I mutter prayers for people I love as they cross my mind, "Lord, help my friend overcome that stomach bug," or "be with so-and-so as she and her husband discuss delicate subjects with family" or "help my friend as she prepares for childbirth" or "help my friend to know that YOU are provider " but of the things that weigh me down - to the point of sometimes feeling that I physically cannot stand - of those, I cannot speak.

Somedays, I just sit in front of my Bible unable to focus on the words on the page because my heart aches so much. "Oh God, please God."

It's hard. Following the Lord is HARD. Jesus never said it would be easy and I knew that. But I guess I never realized that the enemy would attack me where it hurts the most. THE VERY MOST.

And so I fall, facedown before the King of Kings, the Great I AM, The Beginning and the End, The Faithful and the True, The Hope of Glory, the Lord of lords, the One who writes the history of the world, and I beg Him over and over for something I cannot even find words for.

And I know He hears my every word.

A Modern day Fairytale An Everyday True Story

One upon a time a mother had a little boy. And though she didn't grow him in her womb, she knew that he was hers from the moment she laid eyes upon him.

He was the most dashing little fellow. Handsome is so many ways, with soft, creamy skin and the blondest hair imaginable.

He had bright blue eyes and a giggle that could bring joy the hardest of hearts. Truly he made his mother's heart grow with love each and every day.

Much to his mother's dismay, he tried to give her daily heart attacks by leaping from heights more daring than a two year old should attempt. Yet almost every time, he landed firmly on his feet and chuckled to himself with a proud smile spreading across his face.

He was stubborn and willful and tested all of his mother's patience each and every day.

But his mother prayed fervently that the Lord would use his willful spirit and strong determination for the glory of God (and also that her own spirit would make it until her beloved son grew out of his irrational season - whenever that may be).

Truly his mother knew that the Lord had created her son for a very specific purpose in mind. She knew God created this treasure to bring glory to the name of the Father and that their lives were blessed because God chose their family for him.

You see, she knew from the time her son was a small baby that God had big plans for him. Plans that she didn't quite understand. But she clung to the promises that God has so clearly revealed to her, knowing that no great blessings come without their fair share of growing pains.

Every day God reminded this mother that her son was a blessing, even on the days that seemed more stressful than the last.

Because she knew that at the end of the day her sweet boy would wrap his skinny arms around her neck, hug her tight, kiss her lips and go to bed.

And every night as she clicked his bedroom door shut behind her, with her sweet boy resting comfortably in his bed, there would FINALLY be a moment where he would STOP TALKING LONG ENOUGH TO GO TO SLEEP.

Because as much as she loved her sweet boy's company, she longed for his mouth to STOP RUNNING FOR ONE SOLITARY SECOND SO THAT SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO KNOW HIS EVERY THOUGHT EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF THE DAY.

And they lived happily ever after.

The end.