The Making of M.O.M.

Sometimes, I like to pretend that I'm a photographer. We have two great friends who are real photographers and for one of them the way we "pay them" for our own family photos is that I attempt to take photos of their family.

On Friday, I got to spend some time with my (one of two) BFF. Britt and Matt are expecting their second child, a baby girl, due mid-March. Their son "J" is a feisty, newly turned 2 year old and I was pleasantly surprised with some of the good shots we got.

Here are a few of my favorites. I love J's face in this one...

I've started loving shots like this one, where you only see from the shoulders down. It gives you just enough info about the people to sort of create your own story in your mind.

I think J began to wonder why baby girl was not in HIS belly. Such a sweet boy he is!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. - James 1:17 (NIV)

For some reason I have this thing about taking pictures of feet. Don't ask me why, but something about kid feet next to adult feet makes me shutter happy. Maybe it's a comparison thing because kid feet are constantly changing. I don't know. And notice I said I just like to photograph them, not touch them.

Pregnancy does Britt well. She just glows throughout her entire pregnancy. And even though Britt is several years younger than me, I look up to her in so many ways. She takes her role as a wife and mother so seriously and I truly believe that she exemplifies everything that a Proverbs 31 woman should.

And her baby bump is just precious.

I just love this awesome family and I can't wait to meet that sweet baby girl in a few short weeks!

I go before the Lord and all I can mutter is, "Oh God, please God."

My heart is heavy. Broken even. And all I can say is His name over and over again. Which is why Romans 8:26-28 plays through my mind so often,

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Because the truth is, I don't know what I ought to pray. I don't know how to verbalize the pain and hurt within my heart as it runs deeper than any I've ever known before.

So I crumple myself before the feet of the King, knowing that His word stands true and that His Spirit is interceding on my behalf according to the will of God. And I sit, saying nothing other than His name. Begging Him for intercession when my words fail me. Knowing that I could rattle off dozens of my own physical or tangible desires but the things of my heart that are the heaviest, the most broken, are those unseen. Nothing of the physical is needed for my body. Nothing tangible do I hunger for. Only Him and the intimacy that He brings in the times when I am alone.

Throughout the day, I mutter prayers for people I love as they cross my mind, "Lord, help my friend overcome that stomach bug," or "be with so-and-so as she and her husband discuss delicate subjects with family" or "help my friend as she prepares for childbirth" or "help my friend to know that YOU are provider " but of the things that weigh me down - to the point of sometimes feeling that I physically cannot stand - of those, I cannot speak.

Somedays, I just sit in front of my Bible unable to focus on the words on the page because my heart aches so much. "Oh God, please God."

It's hard. Following the Lord is HARD. Jesus never said it would be easy and I knew that. But I guess I never realized that the enemy would attack me where it hurts the most. THE VERY MOST.

And so I fall, facedown before the King of Kings, the Great I AM, The Beginning and the End, The Faithful and the True, The Hope of Glory, the Lord of lords, the One who writes the history of the world, and I beg Him over and over for something I cannot even find words for.

And I know He hears my every word.