I've been thinking a lot about pregnancy myths and rumors lately. Mostly because they are things that people have said/will say to me over the next 8 weeks (that's how long until Little Miss is due to arrive.)
Basically, I would just like to dispel (based on my own experience) each of these once and for all.
I realize that some women experience pregnancy different from me and for those women I pray they have the hardest labors known to man. Oh, I'm kidding. Sort of.
Pregnancy Myth #1:
Nausea and vomiting are a result of the woman realizing that her world is about to change dramatically and is purely an emotional and mental response to that change.
Fact: When pregnant, I puke my guts up multiple times a day for weeks on end. Don't you think that I'd puke every day of my life if I thought kids were so emotionally overwhelming?
Pregnancy Myth #2
Having heartburn means your baby will be born with a head full of hair.
Fact: Every single pregnancy I've had heartburn bad enough that I've considered taking a fire extinguisher and shoving it down my throat in the hopes of momentary relief. And with each delivery, peeled onions have had more hair than any of the kids I've birthed.
Pregnancy Myth #3
Each time you're pregnant, your propensity to deliver on or before your due date is increased.
Fact: This is my 4th pregnancy, one of which was twins. One would think that since my uterus has been stretched to the size of a small house 4 times now, it would recognize that once it reaches a certain size it should expel its contents.
Not so much. I've been pregnant 4 times and each time I've been induced with the drug of the devil, pitocin. My last pregnancy the doctor let me go 2 weeks and 2 days past my due date and still my uterus didn't catch a clue.
I'm not expecting baby #7 any time before the ides of March. Et tu, Uterus?
Pregnancy Myth #4
Pregnant women glow and have the most beautiful/fullest/shiniest hair and nails.
Fact: I'm glowing because I'm sweating. Constantly. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's no deodorant or antiperspirant that can hold me these days.
As for the hair, my hair has grown less than 1/100th of an inch this entire pregnancy. And, my typically heavy shedding self has hardly shed at all. Which means, once this little girl gets here, our bathroom will look somewhat like a beauty shop that has never seen a broom.
Or a pet groomer's trash can. Either one.
Pregnancy Myth #5
Each subsequent pregnancy, after your 1st, has a shorter and shorter labor.
Fact: I WOULD NEVER KNOW because, like I said above, I've always been induced. I sure hope I can make #5 true, go into labor at 5:30pm and pop out a baby at 8:30pm like my friend Kari did.
Honestly, it was probably a man who thought up these stupid myths. Except for the fact that some of them are actually true for a vast number of women. And those are the women I de-friend while I gestate a baby. Not only on Facebook but in real life.
I'm only kidding. Sorta.
Basically, I would just like to dispel (based on my own experience) each of these once and for all.
I realize that some women experience pregnancy different from me and for those women I pray they have the hardest labors known to man. Oh, I'm kidding. Sort of.
Pregnancy Myth #1:
Nausea and vomiting are a result of the woman realizing that her world is about to change dramatically and is purely an emotional and mental response to that change.
Fact: When pregnant, I puke my guts up multiple times a day for weeks on end. Don't you think that I'd puke every day of my life if I thought kids were so emotionally overwhelming?
Pregnancy Myth #2
Having heartburn means your baby will be born with a head full of hair.
Fact: Every single pregnancy I've had heartburn bad enough that I've considered taking a fire extinguisher and shoving it down my throat in the hopes of momentary relief. And with each delivery, peeled onions have had more hair than any of the kids I've birthed.
Pregnancy Myth #3
Each time you're pregnant, your propensity to deliver on or before your due date is increased.
Fact: This is my 4th pregnancy, one of which was twins. One would think that since my uterus has been stretched to the size of a small house 4 times now, it would recognize that once it reaches a certain size it should expel its contents.
Not so much. I've been pregnant 4 times and each time I've been induced with the drug of the devil, pitocin. My last pregnancy the doctor let me go 2 weeks and 2 days past my due date and still my uterus didn't catch a clue.
I'm not expecting baby #7 any time before the ides of March. Et tu, Uterus?
Pregnancy Myth #4
Pregnant women glow and have the most beautiful/fullest/shiniest hair and nails.
Fact: I'm glowing because I'm sweating. Constantly. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's no deodorant or antiperspirant that can hold me these days.
As for the hair, my hair has grown less than 1/100th of an inch this entire pregnancy. And, my typically heavy shedding self has hardly shed at all. Which means, once this little girl gets here, our bathroom will look somewhat like a beauty shop that has never seen a broom.
Or a pet groomer's trash can. Either one.
Pregnancy Myth #5
Each subsequent pregnancy, after your 1st, has a shorter and shorter labor.
Fact: I WOULD NEVER KNOW because, like I said above, I've always been induced. I sure hope I can make #5 true, go into labor at 5:30pm and pop out a baby at 8:30pm like my friend Kari did.
Honestly, it was probably a man who thought up these stupid myths. Except for the fact that some of them are actually true for a vast number of women. And those are the women I de-friend while I gestate a baby. Not only on Facebook but in real life.
I'm only kidding. Sorta.