Abigail at 1 month

Oh how I wish I'd have known about blogging when Elizabeth and the twins were babies! And how I wish I'd have been more intentional about blogging developments and milestones each month of Aaron and Olivia's infancy.

Nonetheless, with Ella, I posted about her every month. I knew if I didn't, I'd quickly forget all the little things that happen early on in her life. Abigail is no different. So, each month over the next year the plan is to post pictures and milestones of my sweet baby girl. Really, it's less about all of you and more about me being able to look back and actually remember something.

Besides, isn't she a living doll? I'm sure I'm a little partial. :)


At one month old, Abigail Mercy has started losing some of that beautiful, dark auburn hair and now sports the baby-classic style of "receding hair-line/old man hair." But she's still as cute as a button! Her scrawny limbs remind me so much of Ashlee at that age - heck, Ashlee now!


I'm not gonna lie. When she was born and the doctor placed her on my chest, I looked at her and thought  to myself, "Whose kid is this? She doesn't look like us!"

Not that looking like Luke or I constitutes being a member of our family. Clearly. Ahem.

But truly, I expected her to look like a typical Beaver kid with round cheeks, peach fuzzy light hair and maybe a hint of her own flair. When Abigail appeared with dark hair and a face that was more slender than round, I assumed after the shock of birth wore off she'd favor Ashlee. And while she does, I continued to think - in the back of my mind or only around our closest friends - did this baby get switched with our baby at birth because, y'all, I didn't think she looked anything like us!

My Mom sent me a text about a week ago and said she was looking at some of my baby pictures and that, indeed, Abigail comes by her biology honestly. Apparently, we look alike! I dug out a photo of myself as a newborn and it's true, she's mine.

I say all of this in jest, of course, because I knew she was mine all along. Her temperament is uniquely hers, but she also reminds me quite a bit of Ella as a baby. She loves to be cuddled and held and hates her car seat with a fiery passion.

She makes the sweetest baby noises, often grunting, snorting or making other sweet little baby sounds. She hardly ever fully cries (unless she's in her carseat) but rather does this half cry-half squeak thing. She always prefers for someone, anyone really, to be holding her. Often, the spot of baby holder is occupied by one of her oldest 3 siblings. They adore her. All of her older sibling adore her. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she's lost all her hair on the top of her head from kisses, rubs and nuzzles.

She's managed to show us a few intentional smiles and usually really shows off if we makes kissy noises at her. Currently, she has a little, tiny dimple on the right side of her chin that appears only when she grins. I'm praying it stays.

She loves to be swaddled and, perhaps the BEST part of her baby-ness is, SHE TAKES A PACIFIER! Ella refused one altogether and most of the other kids only entertained them for a few weeks. But Abigail seems to really like it. A first for us since Elizabeth was an infant.

She nurses about every 2 hours during the day but does so efficiently, usually in under 10 minutes. She goes about 2.5 hours at night but last night set a new record for 4 GLORIOUS HOURS. She alternates sleeping between her bouncy seat, the swing and in someone's arms.

I try so hard not to compare all of our children to each other, but I think it's natural to when you have multiple children. And while she's similar to her older brothers and sisters in many ways, she's certainly her own little person (as if she didn't prove that enough during my pregnancy). And as I looked back at Ella's 1 month post I realized, again, that maybe Abigail does favor our other kids more than I thought.


One month old, already. It's hard to think it's already went by so quickly and yet, it's becoming harder and harder to remember what life was like without her. Happy 1 month sweet, cuddly Abigail! We love you so much!

Survival

Her tiny little grunts, snorts and noises stir me from my sleep. I was in a hard sleep, the kind that you fall into immediately when it's been weeks since you've slept through the night. I throw the covers off of my sweating body and shimmy/scoot to the end of the bed. The pack 'n play is squeezed between my side of the bed and the wall, making it an acrobatic feat for me to get out of bed, but Abigail isn't in the pack 'n play.

I kick the bouncy seat, hold back a scream and realize - all in in the same 3 seconds - that I left her bouncy seat on vibrate. I feel my way through the darkness and click the switch over to the off position. Then, step over the bouncy seat. She's not in there either.

I lean over, turn off the baby swing and reach down to grab my, now crying, baby girl. I snuggle her close, smell her head and kiss her cheek, just like I did the hour before.

Together we perform an acrobatic dance as I climb, with her in one arm, back onto my side of the bed, smacking my other big toe against the foot of the pack 'n play.

"I really should move that pack 'n play," I think, "she's not slept in it in nearly a week."

We settle in, I wrap the boppy around my waist and she begins to nurse. Sleepily, I lay my head back against the hard metal headboard. I doze on and off for the next 30 minutes, until I wake up with a stiff neck and a milk-drunk newborn who is snoozing softly in my arms.

All the books say you should never sleep with your baby. All the books say that you should never let your baby sleep in a swing, or a bouncy seat or propped up on the boppy. All the books say you should only let your baby sleep in her own bed and move her to her crib as soon as possible.

All the books say to sleep when your baby sleeps and to rest as much as possible during her first few weeks of life.

I'm betting none of those books are authored by mothers with lots of small children, most of which do not nap during the day. I'm also willing to bet that those books are written for those days when everything seems to go smoothly, your baby nods off to sleep quietly on your chest and those nursing mommas drink their 64 ounces of water a day.

64 ounces. As if. I'd never leave the bathroom. Or maybe I'd just have to buy disposable underwear. That might work better actually.

I lay my sweet, swaddled blessing beside me in the bed, careful to move the covers far way from her tiny body. She stirs, snorts and grunts in disapproval of me laying her down. I offer for her to nurse again and we both drift off to sleep.

An hour or so later we repeat this same process, because somewhere in the last 30 minutes I've gotten tired of sleeping on my side and I have returned my little babe to the swing or bouncy seat or, just maybe, her pack 'n play.

Finally, I hear the click of the door and a sleepy child's body steps through the door way. "Hey baby," I whisper. "Come. Quietly. Abigail just went back to sleep."

Arms and legs curl up beside me and I listen to stories about crazy dreams or Star Wars or how she can't wait to have her own baby one day, depending on which of the oldest 3 kids is beside me. I drift in and out of sleep until, finally, a two year old shouts her impatience with her crib at me through the monitor.

Our home springs to life as the sounds of laughter, toilets and squeals echo through the hallways.

I remind myself that this is the phase known of as SURVIVAL. In these early days of sleeplessness, frequent feedings and numerous diaper changes, our goal is to survive. Teaching our children that we value family, each other and the freshness of new life is most important.

If they learn some spelling, math, reading and history along the way, then so be it.

Survival.

Nothing more, nothing less. We simply exists to love one another and enjoy the expansion of our family. Some days are better than others. Somedays, all of our schooling gets done and our home is a disaster zone. Other days, the house is tidy and the kids are dirty from a full day of playing outside. Life consists of give and take right now. It's a life that is lived minute by minute, hour by hour and often no further.

As I write this, Abigail is snoozing soundly in her bouncy seat, Ella and Olivia are finishing up naps, Ashlee and Lucas are enjoying an afternoon at their grandmothers' houses and Elizabeth and Aaron are busy dancing under a tree as it blooms in the spring sun.

Life is busy, chaotic, loud, eventful, peaceful, cozy, dramatic, new and all in all, a complicated dance of learning what our new normal looks like.

After all, what is normal anyway? We abandoned that term long ago. Seven kids ages 7 and under isn't normal. It's survival. A beautiful, complicated, peaceful survival.

Which is exactly what we are doing.