The Making of M.O.M.

Usually I blog in the evenings and schedule it to post the next day. But lately, I fall into the bed at night, exhausted from the day and pelvic pressure that seems to be unending. So in a effort to update my blog and have some free therapy, here I am blogging during nap time when I should be napping as well.

This week has been extremely tiring and it's only Tuesday. I have apparently lost my voice due to some mystery cold. Actually, I have a voice but it resembles that of a 98 year old who's been chain smoking since birth. I spoke with our realtor on Thursday and he alluded that it might be possible that we wouldn't close on our house on time. Therefore, we could push closing from March 3rd to the first week in April.

I was a little happy about that considering my due date is March 8th.

But, as of today it seems as if closing will be right on schedule (maybe a day or so late) and we will, in fact, be holding our breath hoping that Baby #6 doesn't come on the day we are moving all of our stuff.

Speaking of moving, we have found a place to rent. It's about 200 yards from our current home so that SHOULD make moving much, much easier. The biggest catch is that the house we are moving to is about 1/2 the size of the one we are currently living in. Which means that we need to find somewhere for 1/2 of our stuff to go.

And I'm NOT all about storing our crap for no apparent reason. So, we have a basement full of furniture and toys and books and children's clothing that needs to go somewhere. My biggest frustration is deciding what to keep, what to toss and what to just give away. I have two amazing friends that gave up their Mother's Morning Out time last week and came to my house and helped me pack up and sort through most of our basement. Can I just tell you how relieved I feel?

Yet, when I sit back and look at what the next 30 days of our life here is what I see...

> A new baby
> A new house
> Moving and sorting all our stuff
> Deciding what is worth keeping and what is not
> Finding the essential baby items once they've been moved to a new place
> Making large purchases
> Discerning between a good choice and the best choice
> Still finding time to spend alone with God
> Still managing my home and our children
> Still schooling Elizabeth

Oh and did I mention we are having a Baby somewhere in all of this?

And we filed our taxes and there was a problem so we had to send in a paper return which means we will probably get audited. AGAIN. JUST LIKE LAST YEAR.

I am praying for God to give me clarity to see what He wants me to learn through this process. And I am reminding myself that NONE of this is a surprise to Him. He knew this would all be on our plate at the same time. He knows when Baby is coming even though I have no clue.

A while back Angie challenged her readers to memorize Psalm 139. I made it about half way through. But, the half I vaguely memorized keeps flooding back into my mind.

"O Lord you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise.
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all of my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue,
you know it completely Lord.
You hem me in, behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me."

Psalm 139:1-5

He knows how well I function on little-to-no-sleep because He has searched me and knows me.

He knows that this will either make my marriage stronger or cause us to distance ourselves from each other because He knows when I sit and when I rise.

He perceives my thoughts from afar. (That part just baffles me.)

He knows. I don't. And, somehow I need to make up my mind that I'm okay with that and just let go of the things I have no control over and just trust Him.

I love that He brings opportunity for me to see that He knows me better than I know myself. Like yesterday, when Elizabeth is frantically searching for a specific sticker book and I see her, from afar, doing the pee pee dance.

I say to her, gently, "Elizabeth. Please go to the bathroom before you have an accident."

"But Mom!" she stammers, "I don't need to go!"

"Really? You sure look like you do," I reply softly, not wanting to hurt her tender feelings.

She turns and sprints to the bathroom, barely making it to the potty.

He knows me. When I sit and I rise He sees me. He perceives my thoughts, desires and needs from afar. He knows when I'm on the verge of having an accident and He gently urges me in the right direction before my tender heart gets broken and the waves of uncertainty cloud my mind.

Our life is never boring. EVER. Even when it seems as though things are "normal" around here, it's chaotic and crazy and full of energy.

I'm pretty sure that our life is the antonym of boring. And, I'm pretty sure that we are the synonym of chaotic.

But over the next month our lives will prove to be more chaotic than ever.

And, through it all I continue to remind myself that NONE of this comes as a surprise to God. He knew how incredibly chaotic our lives would be at this time and He remains in control.

(And lately, I'm chanting the previous sentence to myself on an hourly - sometimes minute by minute - basis.)

Why is our life more chaotic than normal these days? Let me start with the basics that you probably already know.

I'm about 36 weeks pregnant with our 6th child. Our oldest child is a mere 5.5 years old. That in-and-of-itself is chaotic.

But wait, there's more.

My grandma, Maw, just had major heart surgery. Major, major heart surgery. God is proving, once more, to be merciful and is healing her body unlike anything we expected. Her recovery will last for the next 3 - 4 months and my Mom will be her primary care giver. How does this directly impact our family, aside from the fact that we love my Maw more than words? Well, my Mom usually helps us out several times a week with childcare and dinners and such. With her giving all her effort to care for my Maw, our life will become a little more chaotic.

But wait, there's more.

We found out that Luke's paternal grandfather passed away and arrangements will be made for his memorial/burial in the next week. Luke is planning on attending the funeral, which will be in another state. We are still working out details, but he will certainly be traveling over the course of 2 - 3 days, while his wife is on the verge of going into labor. That makes life chaotic.

But wait, there's more.

Perhaps the most chaotic thing is that we finally sold our house.

Oh, had you forgotten that it was still on the market? Well, it was. Let me catch you up to speed.

We've had a contingent offer on it since sometime around October. However, the folks who are buying our house had to sell their house first. It wasn't looking good and we had agreed that if they hadn't sold their house by December sometime (I don't remember the date) the contract would become voided.

Well, that day in December came and went and we re-negotiated so that our contract would expire if we didn't close by February 28th.

We didn't think it was looking promising. Actually, Luke and I hadn't even spoken about selling our house in several months. We were sorta on auto-pilot with the whole house thing, or so we thought.

Then, randomly (you know if you believe in coincidences) last Thursday, Luke and I laid in the bed and talked about how wonderful it would be if God would allow our house to sell before the baby came.

We talked about the debt we owe on our house and how much of burden we felt over it.

THE NEXT MORNING I got an email from our realtor. The buyers had an offer on their house. At 5:00pm I was on the phone with our Realtor hearing myself say that a closing date of March 3rd would be acceptable.

That's 5 days before this baby is due.

With my Maw still being in the thick of recovery and rehab.

And now we have to find a place to live.

And pack up all our ~~crap~~ treasures.

And all the things that come with moving.

Our life is getting incredibly chaotic. More chaotic than I ever thought possible.

But God knew. He knew the before the creation of the Earth that we'd be expecting a baby and moving and dealing with recovery of my Maw and the death of Luke's grandfather.

He knew. Even though we had no clue.

So we press forward, trusting that the Lord is completely in control. Trusting that even though it feels like the ground beneath our feet is spinning out of control. Truly, it isn't.

Truly God is in control. Truly, He knew that when we placed our house on the market back in August, with a new baby growing in my womb, that it would all accumulate around the same time that the baby would come.

He knows what will happen in the next 30 days and I do not. He knows whether or not I will go into labor while my husband is several states away (please Lord, NO!).

He knows how on His own green Earth we will pack, move, settle, have a baby, help as much as possible with my Maw, support Luke's Dad and family and still Homeschool, disciple and raise our children.

He knows. Even though we have no clue. And I am trying my best to rest in that knowledge.